Real Life Vulnerability

When you commit to blogging, you commit to vulnerability. In reading about vulnerability from Brené Brown, I have realized that there is a large segment of Western civilization who says they want vulnerability, but on their terms and not at the point of empathizing with the party who has chosen to be vulnerable. 

I honestly thought I had done a blog post already, but it was only a Facebook post. I'm actually sad I didn't blog five days ago because (warning: being vulnerable) I really don't want to blog right now. Five days ago, my experiences were very different. Yesterday, my experience was very different. My husband said, "Keep it positive." I replied, "Then you might want to start typing."

Being Vulnerable

If you follow me on Facebook, you saw that I took my ten year old daughter on a date. We really didn't go far. We took the elevator up to the 30th floor to the Executive Lounge and enjoyed happy hour together. Yes, we really did! She had fresh squeezed apple juice and we both had sushi, fruit, cheese and some yummy desserts. We ate delicately and quietly and did not draw attention to ourselves. 

Tonight, after a late lunch, I took both girls up for some fruit at the Executive Lounge. Tonight, culture smacked me in the face. Tonight, we were shamed for being there with Grace, who's cleft lip and palate is not repaired, yet. Tonight, I lost my appetite for anything they were serving when we were asked to leave. Tonight, I refused to leave until both of my daughter's had some fruit. Tonight, left my stomach in my throat for how different I was treated despite the fact that both my daughter's were born with a cleft lip and palate. The judgment and cultural stigmatism by a society and social hierarchy stung hard tonight. While one daughter was unaware of what was happening behind her, my English speaking daughter was fully aware of what was going on and realized her surgeries had made all the difference in how the culture was responding to her. 

It was all so unfair and unkind and not right.

We are a family of six and united we stand...hand-in-hand.

Maybe tomorrow I can blog with a happy voice, but tonight I want you to understand how children who are born with clefts are treated all around the world. This is not unique to China. Every three minutes a child is born with a cleft. $250 can truly make a world of difference to their entire life through Operation Smile, SmileTrain or Love Without Boundaries. 

Glimmers of Hope

The Beginning of Many Birthday Celebrations

Back in Wuhan, our 13 year old had his first birthday celebration with FAMILY upon turning 14! We allowed him to choose where he wanted to go for lunch and he chose McDonald's!!! Yes, it was our first time as a family EVER eating at a McDonald's! (Needless to say, we all had stomach aches afterwards.) We let him choose his cake and some running shoes for himself. He has good taste! The cake was DELICIOUS! Maybe it helped that the French have a strong presence in Wuhan and we just happened to buy the cake at a French bakery!  The first photos below are of his birthday celebration. He preciously insisted on using the paper plates and plastic forks the bakery gave us despite the fact that the hotel gave us extra plates and forks to use. Those were HIS special party supplies! So we all used paper plates and sang Happy Birthday to our son! Joy was evident upon his face. A glimmer of hope.

Saying Goodbye

Our last day in Wuhan, we visited William's former orphanage. These visits are so hard, but can also be very healing in the end. I had to explain this to our guide. William was fine going to say goodbye to his friends and showing us where he had spent so much time making memories. The night before, we went to the store for him to choose gifts for his friends. The visit was beyond special, so heartbreaking and so healing. For us, it meant we were able to photograph his friends for his room and his file for our records. The information we found out about his early years was priceless! A glimmer of hope.

On to Guangzhou 

On November 11, we took the bullet train down to Guangzhou and are all settled in for the next two weeks. The hotel is gorgeous and spacious, but we are all getting the desire for home and our own beds. (But we need Grace first!)

While Jonathan was playing doctor on me and giving me a cast, I discovered the roll-away beds are far softer than the standard bed (i.e., hard as a rock!).  One of my kids just may wake up in my bed tomorrow. 

Four of us are down with the plague now. (Okay, I know it is not literally the plague, but I have felt like death for over a week now). I started it while visiting Nanchang (Jonathan's province), Jonathan started a day or two after me, William came with it and now Kimmer has the fever and cough. I went ahead and started a Z-pack since I have had it the longest aside from William. A glimmer of hope.

When you adopt an older child who doesn't speak your language, there's a huge learning curve for everyone. We have learned quickly, though, that William has something in common with most teenage boys---he does NOT like shopping! He also prefers to play video games. Today, I asked him how long he has had the cough. Obviously, something was lost in translation. I reworded it on the electronic translator and he replied, "Don't know." It could be the sad reality of living in a cold orphanage. It could be the reality of how shocking all of this is to him that a cough or fever seems so insignificant. His world is simply spinning around him. So, I will wait another five days and if he is not better, I will need to find some antibiotics for him, as well. After some serious prodding, I mean, insistence, we got him to play a matching game with us. He actually laughed and had fun. And when we finished, he dashed back to his bed to read more Harry Potter. A glimmer of hope.

Thanksgiving Travel

We found out last night we could actually fly out earlier than we planned. Flying back home Thanksgiving weekend can be a little tricky. Would you join us in praying that we are able to get a flight out on Wednesday or Thursday (Turkey Day)? We are currently flying in on Saturday, November 27. The trickiest part will be getting from Seattle to Spokane. If we aren't able to get a flight to Spokane, maybe we can convince Kimmer's dad or my brother to come get us in Seattle! (Hint! hint!) At this point, I am fine with renting a rig to get us home earlier. 

Two More Days Until We Are Six

Like every city in China, Guangzhou has expanded with even more new bridges, skyscrapers and entire new sections. The US embassy and adoption medical has moved to a new section east of town. I am sad we no longer get to visit the nostalgic, quiet, European-influenced Shamian Island where literally tens of thousands of adoptions have taken place. It will be interesting to see all the new growth of Guangzhou, though. I wonder if there are potted plants outside the new US embassy. 

And on Monday, we receive Grace! Kathleen sweetly said, "Only two more days of being the middle child! That didn't last long!" 

The next post will be Monday or Tuesday!

(Sorry the photos are not in between the text as I would prefer. Posting from email is messing up the formatting when I try that.)

On a side note, the freaky clowns have made it to China.

We Are Officially a Family of Five

As our guide exited the van to get our adoption paperwork notarized, she commented, "I have never seen an adoption go so quickly. He is yours today! ONE DAY! The system worked fast for him."

We believe God worked miracles and moved paperwork mountains to bring William WuXiaoYang into our family! 

Yesterday morning we went to meet our son for the first time at the office where adoptions are completed. We saw his head from the rear as he sat on a couch and tears came to my eyes. This was really happening! I went and sat beside him. Jonathan gave him a Snoopy he had brought for him. And We all took turns giving him hugs. He knew what was happening, but I can only imagine how hard it was for him. Our guide, obviously not trained about trauma, began asking the worker from the orphanage the questions I had prepared so we could get some information about his past. She did this right in front of him and I was mortified. Despite trying to guide her away from William, she proceeded to ask very private and heartbreaking questions about his abandonment, temperament and time at the orphanage in his presence. I wanted to crawl in a hole or put earplugs in his ears to block him from the pain. We have 14 years represented in him and I got 10 questions answered. Not a lot of history there.

The woman in charge of adoptions came out and began an announcement to the two families there for adoptions. In the last 10 years, domestic adoption has skyrocketed. Kimmer and I were thrilled to see a Chinese couple adopting at the same time as us. We snapped a photo of them. After our guide had finished translating, the Chinese dad came over to us and in perfect English said, "I'm so glad your guide translated that!" WHAT? "We thought you were Chinese!" He commented, "We are Canadian Chinese and only speak a few words in Cantonese." Laughter ensued! We exchanged email addresses and had a lovely chat with them. I guess national adoptions are done on a different floor! But on Monday in Wuhan, Hubei two orphans were orphans NO MORE! They are FAMILY!!!

In a separate children's playroom, were photos of many adoptees with their families and one large photo labeled, "Love Without Boundaries," an organization helping orphaned children throughout China. While waiting, our kids just hung out with their big brother on the couch playing with bubbles and games and their iPads. A rather stoic place to celebrate family.

After we dropped our guide at the notary, the driver dropped us at a French-brand Walmart (France has a strong presence here in Wuhan...getting my beret on!). Ironically, our son does not like going into large, loud buildings. So, the kids and Kimmer waited near the checkout with William while I bought snacks, water and some clothes for William. When you adopt a child, they come to you with nothing. When you adopt an older child, you don't go up to him measuring his backside to see what will fit him. So trying to find clothes for him WITHOUT him there was a bit of a challenge. On our way out we convinced him to stop and order dinner for take out. We ordered the most delicious dumplings!!! SO GOOD! Pointing at what other people have ordered has worked out quite well so far! 

A Sad Reality for Many Waiting Children

While in the restaurant awaiting our food, William grabbed the electronic translator and typed, 

Tomorrow is my birthday!

We cheered and asked him, "How do you want to celebrate?"

He replied, "I don't know how to celebrate."

Today, we are going to help him learn about celebrating birthdays! Happy 14th Birthday, William!

In the spirit of the US presidential elections...

The Joy and Sorrow of Going Home

We experienced the joy and sorrow of a "homecoming trip" today. Nanchang rolled out the red carpet (literally) for our son's reunion trip to his former orphanage. Each child's adoption story is incredibly personal and unique so we will only share a bit here and leave the rest up to him to share with whom he wants.

Today, Jonathan (formerly know as Hong Yuan Tao) was treated like royalty, which made a very hard occasion a little easier to bare. As we approached the orphanage (one of the largest in China with portions underwritten by Half the Sky and Holt International), a large red banner read Welcome Hong Yuan Tao Back Home. This brought a huge smile to his face. He was shocked and thrilled all at the same time! I think they were a little excited when he asked if he could have it so he could hang it at his house. His former foster mom was hanging laundry as we approached their apartment (housed on the orphanage grounds) and recognized Jonathan right away! It was a tender moment as she ran down the stairs to greet him. Following eating lunch with all the vice chairmans/directors (i.e., the big wigs), the orphanage director graciously gave him a plate with the symbol of the capital of Jiangxi (Nanchang) on it--the summer palace of the former emperor. While this was a drastically different reunion on so many levels, it provided some information we did not know before, comfort and hope.

What impacted us all most, though, were the many children still left in the orphanage. Ironically, I had just posted a petition to my Facebook page requesting friends to sign it in hopes of Congress reviewing recent actions of the Department of State making international adoption more difficult. Then our guide shared with me new laws within China making it more difficult for smaller agencies to help facilitate adoptions within China. All of this breaks my heart as we counted 25 toddlers in a room with five nannies. One was going to be adopted, but all the rest would remain waiting. And just like in the US, the older a child gets their chance for adoption reduces. And, just like in the US, children with special needs are not sought after, but passed over for a "more perfect" child. One thing I have learned as a teacher and parent is that there is no perfect child...we ALL have our stuff!

And so I leave you with the beautiful faces of children desiring a family. Please consider adoption! We are here to answer any questions you may have about adoption and would be honored to walk it with you. 

This world is not our home, we're just passing through!

There is Joy and Sorrow in Going Home

We experienced the joy and sorrow of a "homecoming trip" today. Nanchang rolled out the red carpet (literally) for our son's reunion trip to his former orphanage. Each child's adoption story is incredibly personal and unique so we will only share a bit here and leave the rest up to him to share with whom he wants.

Today, Jonathan (aka Hong Yuan Tao) was treated like royalty, which made a very hard occasion a little easier to bare. As we approached the orphanage (one of the largest in China with portions underwritten by Half the Sky and Holt International), a large red banner read "Welcome Hong Yuan Tao Back Home."

There is Joy and Sorrow in Going Home

We experienced the joy and sorrow of a "homecoming trip" today. Nanchang rolled out the red carpet (literally) for our son's reunion trip to his former orphanage. Each child's adoption story is incredibly personal and unique so we will only share a bit here and leave the rest up to him to share with whom he wants.

Today, Jonathan (aka Hong Yuan Tao) was treated like royalty, which made a very hard occasion a little easier to bare. As we approached the orphanage (one of the largest in China with portions underwritten by Half the Sky and Holt International), a large red banner read "Welcome Hong Yuan Tao Back Home."

A Bittersweet Day

Adoption is beautiful. But with adoption comes grief and loss. Today was about our daughter and this is her story to tell. 

BEAUTY IN PAIN

In the midst of pain, Kathleen had a beautiful reunion with her former foster parents who lovingly cared for her prior to us adopting her. We spent today allowing them to reminisce of their time with Kathleen and gave Kathleen the opportunity to ask many questions about her first years. Today, a void was partially filled. Partially. 

Here is a glimpse at some of the beautiful moments we shared together.

We travel next to Nanchang, Jiangxi, Jonathan's hometown. Hopefully more questions answered. 

Education Abroad

So many people were shocked we planned to take our kids out of school for a whole month. After teaching overseas, though, I became an advocate of travel being a great educator. 

While we were in Hong Kong, we had our social studies lesson on world religions. Just during breakfast, we had Hindus, several different sects of Muslims, Buddhist monks and Catholic nuns all sitting around us. Being from Idaho, this was an education to my children, but it made this city girl feel right at home. We discussed the basic beliefs and history of each faith and why they wore different clothing representative of their beliefs. We were also able to walk around the buffet and talk about why different faiths have different beliefs about various foods. (And we tried so many new things!) When we walked out of our hotel, we were able to see various places of worship. Real life experience is just better than simply reading a textbook! 

Over the course of the trip so far we have seen fish farms, shrimp boats, fishing boats, rice paddies, dragon fruit and banana plantations, corn fields, small family farms growing a variety of greens, sugar cane plantations, tree farms, citrus farms (for mandarin oranges, pomelos and another small orange which tastes like a combination of a Cutie and a lime) and plants we could not identify. China grows a LOT of produce!!! (I realize there are a lot people here, but have you seen the magnitude of their cities? We're talking HUGE!) In visiting Nanning after eight years, the city has managed to triple in size, add a subway line, a bullet train station and railway line, and massive amounts of skyscrapers to it's landscape. It almost seems impossible, but it has happened. (And all the while I-90 between Ellensurg and Seattle is still under construction!)

COUNTDOWN to Doubling up on Kids

In just days, we will no longer have just two children, but we will have FOUR! Everyone in the States was so polite and controlled in their responses when we would tell them our adoption story. This morning we met a man from Portugal and shared a bit of our story and he exclaimed, "THAT'S CRAZY! Honorable of you, but WOW! That's going to be HARD!" He's right! It IS going to be hard. I, Amy, can figure out a lot of things linguistically and culturally when traveling, but I am able to go home and be ME, the English-speaking American who likes to joke and then have some quiet time. I am not going to be able to close the door on it any longer. Reality is, it will be hard, but we are ready to face that challenge. And we are ready to ask for help when we need it!

On this journey to China, we have discovered at least three things:
1) We said that every dollar matters in these adoptions and we were not joking. After our first fundraiser --a huge yard sale where so many people donated things and time and baked goods-- where we raised about $3,000, we received a card in the mail simply addressed to our house. The card stated that while they wanted to purchase something at the yard sale, they didn't have any money, but they were touched by what we were doing and wanted to give what they could until November. In the card was a $10 bill. We both looked at the card with no return address and realized we were holding what was equivalent to the widow's mite in the Bible. We praised God, held the card and cash and just wept. This small gift mattered! We prayed that God would work mightily through that extremely generous and heartfelt gift. 

2) Curve balls come, but God is often waiting for us to fully trust Him so He can hit a home run! Curve ball #1: our remodel we had been planning for the last three years kept getting delayed, changed, stalled and then it finally gets off the ground when we decide to adopt. The curve ball is: Of course it was postponed due to us actually needing an extra bedroom, but WILL IT FINISH IN TIME? Curve ball #2: the paperwork glitch with USCIS (see below). Curve ball #3: the $7,000 bill we weren't expecting from our agency right before leaving. So many people gave far more than we anticipated or thought possible and we were blown away. While $7,000 did not come in, we decided to trust it would and leave for China. Curve ball #4: while in China, we received another invoice from our agency stating we owed yet $6,000 more as their initial estimates for travel and hotel were off. While we were saddened and frustrated to hear this, we prayed and asked God to make a way. With difficulty getting through on the internet, we prayed that somehow the right emails would get through. Kimmer had received an email from someone saying they had heard of our adoption story and wanted to make a donation. Kimmer replied and shared more. The individual replied saying they wanted to donate $12,000 to us. Are you kidding me??? We had JUST received the $6,000 invoice and now it is covered in full? HOME RUN, GOD! Now, all of our adoption expenses will be covered leaving us able to go home debt-free and get the medical help for our kids without any lingering debt! What an incredibly huge blessing!!!

3) Let God handle the details and trust the officials working your case! We can only do what we can do when we can do it. But our infinite Provider is overseeing all the details and we truly believe He wants NO child to be without a family. Time was passing and our son ages out on November 8. We needed a paper to arrive from USCIS (US immigration) and we needed to get it back to them in a SHORT time frame. So short that it seemed impossible with the time it takes for things to get processed. We graciously contacted our officer who ended up being a miracle worker. He got us the necessary paper in record time. He followed up on the payment to make sure it was processed and he then processed our paperwork to get it moved to the next step THAT DAY before he left for vacation! That officer was amazing and we were SO thankful he was assigned to our case! We believe that was God working out the details all along!!!

I said we have learned at least three things. Those are the big things. The small things have to do with being flexible and allowing ourselves to experience the people and the culture of China. We will share more about that another time. It is now 1am here and everyone is asleep but me (Amy). It's time to sleep for we awake early to head to Hepu, Guangxi, Kathleen's home town!